Breast Bancer Survivor Fawzia Afzal-Khan
Shares her Experience

In recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Fawzia Afzal-Khan of English, a breast cancer survivor, graciously agreed to share her experience. Following is her extremely personal and candid account of her battle with the disease.

Q. When and how were you diagnosed?
A. I was diagnosed (at age 45) during a routine mammogram, which, last year I was actually late in taking by almost six months. In my case, that turned out to be a blessing, because had I gone in on time they would probably have missed it since it was a fast-growing type which probably wasn't even there six months prior.

Q. How did you handle the initial diagnosis? What thoughts went through your mind?
A. Shock, mostly, when the breast surgeon who did the biopsy called me in to his office and said the "C" word. It really was a bit surreal, like it wasn't really happening, that it wasn't me or my body he was talking about. And my second thought was: Wait a minute! I have plans! I'm supposed to be going to Pakistan to help my parents out during a difficult time. It's my dad who has the health crisis. And then I am supposed to go to India from there for a bit where my new book, published in Calcutta, is to be launched. I cannot give that up! I remember that the doctor looked at me like I was crazy, and then he looked at my husband and they both shook their heads and he turned to me and said in a kind voice that he did not think I could really do all that, that I needed to take care of my health first, but I just remember thinking, this is so unfair...I have plans, I have plans!

Q. What was your course of treatment?
A. I ended up going in for a mastectomy of my right breast, which is where they found the cancer, even though my lesion was very small, and I had been considering lumpectomy. But after weighing all the pros and cons I decided I would feel more comfortable with the more radical procedure, and since I had a reconstruction done at the time of the initial surgery, I had to wait five weeks before I could start on my next step in the treatment, which was a four and a half month course of chemotherapy. Because I had opted for the mastectomy, I did not need radiation therapy after the chemo was over. After consultation with my oncologist, I decided against taking tamoxifen, which is a type of chemo in "pill" form.

Q. How did you get through the difficult times, mentally and physically?
A. My women friends, particularly those who had been through breast cancer themselves, and other women I got to know through the extensive breast cancer "grapevine" once I started getting hooked in to the network, helped enormously. These women gave generously to me of their time, shared their own experiences with this disease with me and their own coping strategies, recommended books and Web sites and support groups to me, and basically told me I was going to get through it and come out a better and stronger person for it. And they were right.

Once I started treatment, I was overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity of people in my life from family to friends to acquaintances to strangers who, when they found out I had cancer, just showered me with gifts of time and companionship and food and good wishes and prayers and offers to help in whatever ways I needed it. I was bowled over and so grateful. This love and human warmth and concern got me through.

I also got myself some meditation tapes, and found this wonderful doctor who is also a practicing acupuncturist who helped relax and calm me down before my surgery, and during times when I felt particularly nauseous while undergoing chemo, some friends gave me a book on Buddhism, and I started practicing some chanting. A lot of Buddhist philosophy started to make sense to me. I also swam and walked a great deal whenever I felt up to it.  I wrote and performed my poetry and my one-woman play for an event organized by Eve Ensler who I met shortly after I started treatment and who invited me to be part of this project she was developing on women and their body images. It proved to be marvelously therapeutic to be able to perform my anxieties.

Q. How did you manage your life while you were going through this?
A. I chose to take medical leave, which turned out to be a very wise decision in my case, since I did experience quite a lot of nausea from the chemo treatments, which I had every three weeks for approximately four and a half months. I would generally schedule a treatment on a Thursday so that the weekend would be around the corner and my husband would be home to help take care of me and the house and my 10-year-old son. I knew ahead of time which days I would be going in for a session (these would last approximately four hours) and had friends lined up to drive me to the clinic, stay with me and keep me company while the chemo was being administered, and then drive me home afterwards and stay with me until my husband got back from work.

Usually, I would be up and about and functional by the third or fourth day after a session and then would generally stay okay until the next one. During my bad days, I could always rely on one of my son's friends' mothers to have my son stay overnight or until my husband could get back from work and pick him up. Many of these wonderful women would cook me a dish, one brought over her Minnesotan rice soup almost weekly during the cold winter months, and I got great gifts to keep me cheered up! 

Q. People admire you for your positive attitude. How do you stay positive?
A. My mother told me when she heard about my diagnosis, "Don't ever think, 'why me?' Think of how lucky you have been in life, and remember how everyone has ups and downs; this is just one of those difficult moments, and God willing, it will pass and life will smile at you again. Be brave." She is an amazing woman who has braved so many tough times, kept her chin up throughout adverse circumstances, and always managed to look good and stay positive. So I've had a strong role model and high standards to live up to.

Q. What role did religion/spirituality play?
A. I am born and raised Muslim, and am sure that some of the spirituality I associate with the best of the Islamic tradition did help me out. However, it was Buddhist teachings that impressed me most and chanting a Buddhist mantra I learned helped me a lot in my difficult moments. Quite frankly, though, as I have said to many who have asked, I found spirituality in and through my writing, my music and my performance-based work.

Q. How do you live each day, not constantly being in fear?
A. I have too many exciting projects to look forward to immersing myself in, as well as a family that demands attention and care, and all of my wonderful friendships that require nurturing, to have much time to indulge in the luxury of fear.

Q. What advice do you have for women?
A. Get your mammograms. Eat right. Exercise. Most of all, enjoy yourself, enjoy and appreciate the moment, for everything can change in a second. Above all, after making your best effort to take care of your health, just let go and remember that none of us can control the outcomes of those efforts. The old adage, you cannot control what hand you are dealt, but you can control how you react to that hand... that more or less sums it up for me.