Frequently Asked Questions

ACADEMIC

Is there a GLBTQ or Gender studies program offered at Montclair?

Yes! Montclair currently has two programs that address GLBTQ as well as gender issues. One of the programs that we have to offer is the GLBTQ Studies Minor. In this minor students explore GLBTQ representations, cultures, and histories and are challenged to think critically about identities, current issues, institutions, and activism.

Another program available to students is the Women and Gender Studies Major and Minor. The Women's and Gender Studies Program at MSU offers students an education in the newest theoretical and methodological approaches to understanding and examining how gender, sexuality, and related factors contribute to the diverse economic, political, and cultural institutions and relationships that shape people's lives. WMGS challenges students to employ a new analytical lens to investigate current issues in business, policy analysis, education, the arts, and other important arenas.

Information about both programs can be found at: www.montclair.edu/womensstudies

Which study abroad programs are friendly to LGBT students, and are there any study abroad programs that focus on lesbian, gay or queer studies?

A great resource for learning about LGBT friendly study abroad programs and important things to know when studying abroad is provided by the Association of international educators Rainbow Special Interest Group.

Visit their website at: http://www.indiana.edu/~overseas/lesbigay

ABOUT MSU

How can I get more involved in LGBT life at Montclair?

There are many different options, some of which include joining the student Gay Straight Alliance (SPECTRUMS), taking classes in the GLBTQ or Women and Gender Studies Program, attending events, joining in on discussion groups related to LGBT issues, and volunteering at the LGBT Center.

For more information about SPECTRUMS visit: www.geocities.com/SPECTRUMS_MSU/

How do I know if a place on campus is a “safe space” for LGBT Individuals?

One of the many programs that Montclair has to offer for students is the GLBTQ Safe Space Program. The GLBTQ Safe Space Program identifies offices of MSU faculty and staff that are safe places for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Such offices are identified with a decal. The decal has a green square with two triangles in the center, one pink and one in black. It reads GLBTQ Safe Place. The GLBTQ decal signifies the displayer’s willingness to be supportive of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. The intended message of the symbol is that the person displaying this decal is one who will be non-judgmental, understanding and trustworthy should anyone need help, advice or conversation.

What are my options for housing as an LGBT student?

For students that identify as transgender, the Office of Residential Education and the Disability Resource Center work together (on a case to case basis) to determine the healthiest and safest living situation for the student. In many cases, the student may be placed in a single room in one of the residence halls with access to a private bathroom.

Once a student has passed 30 credits, they may apply for Co-Ed or “Gender Blind” housing. This option allows students to live in an apartment (either in the Clove Road Apartments or the Village) in a gender-neutral setting. In order for this option to be available, a few criteria must be met:

1. Students must have completed all necessary requirement for housing (i.e. housing deposit, no holds on student account, etc).
2. An application for Co-Ed housing must be submitter BEFORE the housing selection process begins.
3. ALL members of the apartment must sign an agreement.

If would like more information please contact:
Kevin Schafer at x5208 or Linda Smith at x 5308

ALLIES

How can I tell if someone I know is LGBT?

Ultimately, the only way to tell if a person is LGBT is if that person tells you so. There are many stereotypes of people who are lesbian, gay, or bisexual or transgender (LGBT). Many people who are LGBT don’t fit those stereotypes, and there are people who fit the stereotypes who aren’t LGBT. Assumptions on your part can be misguided. The important thing to remember is that there is a great possibility that someone you interact with on campus is LGBT and to try to be sensitive to that no matter whom the person is.

What should I do if I think someone is LGBT, but they haven’t told me?

Again, remember that assumptions on your part may be inaccurate. The best approach is to create an atmosphere where that individual can feel comfortable coming to you. You can do this by making sure you are open and approachable, by giving them indications that you are comfortable with this topic and that you are supportive of LGBT concerns. If a person is already “out” to oneself, and they feel you are worthy of their trust, then they may tell you. If the person seems to be in conflict about something, it may or may not be their sexuality. In this case, it is best to simply make sure they know you are there if they need to talk. Remember, they may not have told you because they don’t want you to know.

If someone tells me they are LGBT can I tell other people?

Coming out to someone is a very personal decision. If a person came out to you, it means that they trust you and want you to know more about them. Furthermore, just because a person came out to you does not mean that they are out to anyone else. A person who identifies as LGBT has to think about many different things when deciding whether or not to come out to someone, and therefore it MUST be their personal decision to do so. Outing someone can be very dangerous and will many times be seen as a betrayal of trust.

How do I make myself more approachable to people who identify as LGBT?

Demonstrate that you are comfortable with topics related to sexual orientation and that you are supportive of LGBT concerns. Be sensitive to the assumptions you make about people and try not to assume that everyone you interact with is heterosexual, that they have opposite-sex partners, etc. Try to use inclusive language; for example, avoid use of pronouns that assume the sex of someone’s partners or friends, or use inclusive examples that specifically use LGBT topics. Be a role model by letting others know that you don’t appreciate homophobic jokes or remarks; when you hear these kinds of jokes or remarks, confront them. Make yourself knowledgeable about LGBT concerns by reading books or attending a meeting or activity sponsored by a LGBT organization.

What kinds of things might a person who is LGBT go through when "coming out"?

Because of the difficulty of growing up in a largely homophobic society, people who are LGBT may experience guilt, isolation, depression, suicidal feelings, and low self-esteem. As people who are LGBT become more in touch with their sexual orientation, they may experience any number of these thoughts and feelings to any degree. On the positive side, coming out can be an extremely liberating experience as people who are LGBT learn who they are, gain respect for themselves, and find friends to relate to. Coming out to others can be an anxious process, as the individual worries about possibilities of rejection, ridicule, and loss of family, friends, and jobs. For students, college life is already stress filled, and adding the process of grappling with one’s sexual identity to that mix can be overwhelming.

BISEXUALITY

What are the myths and realities of bisexuality?

Sexuality runs along a continuum. It is not a static “thing” but rather has the potential to change throughout one’s lifetime and varies infinitely among people. We cannot fit our sexuality into nice neat categories, which determine who and what we are. Bisexuality exists at many points along the sexual continuum.

Myth: Bisexuality doesn’t really exist. People who consider themselves bisexual are going though a phase/ confused/ undecided/ fence sitting. Ultimately they’ll settle down and realize they’re actually homosexual or heterosexual.

Reality: Some people go through a transitional period of bisexuality on their way to adopting a lesbian/gay or heterosexual identity. For many others, a bisexual orientation remains a long-term orientation. For some bisexual people, same-sex attractions were a transitional phase in their coming out as bisexual. Many bisexual people may well be confused, living in a society where their sexuality is denied by those in the LGBT community and the heterosexual world alike, but that confusion is a function of oppression. Fence sitting is a misnomer; there is no “fence” between same-sex or male-female sexual orientations except in the minds of people who rigidly divide the two.

Myth: Bisexuality doesn’t really exist. People who consider themselves bisexual are really heterosexual, but are experimenting/playing around/trying to be cool/liberated/trendy/politically correct.

Reality: Whether an individual is an “experimenting heterosexual” or a bisexual person depends on how one defines oneself, rather than on some external standard. While there certainly are people who engage in bisexual behavior because they think it is trendy, this does not negate the people who come to a bisexual identity and claim it with pride.

Myth: Bisexuality doesn’t really exist. People who consider themselves bisexual are actually lesbian/ gay, but haven’t fully accepted themselves and finished coming out of the closet (acknowledging their attraction to people of the same gender.)

Reality: Bisexual orientation is a legitimate sexual orientation. Many bisexual people are completely out of the closet, but not on the lesbian/gay community’s terms. (It is worth noting that many lesbians and gay men are not completely out of the closet and their process is generally respected; it is also worth noting that the lesbian/gay community whose “terms” are in question here has tended to be quite different for working class lesbians, gays of color, etc.) Bisexual people in this country share with lesbians and gay men the debilitating experience of heterosexism and homophobia.

Myth: Bisexual people are equally attracted to both sexes. Bisexual means having concurrent lovers of both sexes.

Reality: Most bisexual people are primarily attracted to either men or women, but do not deny the lesser attraction, regardless of whether they act on it. Some bisexual people are never sexual with women, or men, or either. A bisexual orientation is about dreams and desires and capacities as much as it is about acts. Bisexual people can have lovers of either sex, not must have lovers of both sexes. Some bisexual people may have concurrent lovers, but they do not need to be with both sexes in order to feel fulfilled.

Myth: Bisexual people are promiscuous hypersexual swingers who are attracted to every woman and man they meet. Bisexual people cannot be monogamous, nor can they marry or live in traditional committed relationships. They could never be celibate.

Reality: Bisexual people have a range of sexual behaviors. Like lesbians, gay or heterosexual people, some have multiple partners, some have one partner, and some go through periods without any partners. Promiscuity is no more prevalent in the bisexual population than in other groups of people.

Myth: Politically, bisexual people are traitors to the cause of lesbian/gay liberation. They pass as heterosexual to avoid trouble and maintain heterosexual privilege.

Reality: Obviously there are bisexual people who pass as heterosexual to avoid trouble. There are also many lesbians and gay men who do this too. To “pass” for heterosexual and deny the part of oneself that loves people of the same gender is just as painful and damaging for a bisexual person as it is for a lesbian or gay person. Politicized bisexual people remain aware of heterosexual privileges and are committed enough to lesbian/ gay/bisexual/transgendered rights to not just abandon LGBT communities when in heterosexual relationships.

LGBT STUDENTS OF COLOR

Are there any special concerns for LGBT students of color?

When a student is both a person of color and an LGBT person, he/she may feel that only one part of his/her identity can be primary. Often, LGBT people of color feel pulled by each of their cultures to primarily identify with one culture. Because the LGBT identity is often invisible, it is easy to deny or ignore that aspect of the self. For many it is difficult to strike a balance that allows them to be empowered and liberated in both (or all of) their identities. Multiple oppression affects their lives because:

• They feel they do not know who they are.
• They do not know which part of them is most important to embrace.
• They do not know how to deal with one part of their identity oppressing another part of their identity.
• They may not have anyone to talk to about the split they feel in their person.
• They feel misunderstood by each group as they consider both parts equally important.

The experience of each racial/ethnic group is different depending on cultural values and beliefs about LGBT people. Each person should be considered individually for the effects on his or her life of having multiple identities.

“I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

COMING OUT

What is Coming out?

Coming out is the process of recognizing, accepting, and sharing with others one’s sexual identity. The term “coming out” is a shortened version of the phrase “coming out of the closet,” which is a metaphor for revealing one’s sexual orientation. Coming out is not a single event, but a life-long process.

In our society, people generally assume that everyone is heterosexual, so persons who are lesbian, gay, or bisexual must continually decide in what situations and with whom they want to correct that assumption by disclosing their sexual orientation. In every new situation, with every new person they meet, they must decide whether or not to come out.

There are many stages in the coming out process, and the process is not exactly the same for every person. Generally, the coming out process begins with coming out to oneself: the internal process a lesbian, gay, or bisexual person goes through in recognizing and accepting their sexual orientation. This can be frightening and depressing at first for many people, because they, like almost everyone in our society, have learned negative stereotypes and many myths about homosexuality as they were growing up.

Later stages of coming out involve choosing to disclose one’s sexual orientation to others. Coming out can be a very long and difficult struggle because it involves not only confronting the constant assumption that one is heterosexual, but also confronting homophobic attitudes and discriminatory practices along the way.

Ultimately, however coming out can be a very freeing experience for persons who are LGBT, because it allows them to live a more honest life and develop more genuine relationships with others. Coming out does not solve all of an individual’s problems; indeed, it may create new ones. Weighing the advantages and disadvantages of coming out is part of the process.

There are different levels of being out, ranging from completely closeted (not revealing one’s sexual orientation to anyone) to being publicly out (willing to reveal one’s sexual orientation publicly). An individual may be out to some people and not to others, or out in some situations, but closeted in others. For example, a person might be out to friends, but not to their family. A person might be out at school, but not in their hometown. Someone might be out in his or her church, but not in his or her professional life. The phrases below describe different degrees to which an individual might be in or out of the closet:

• Closeted = “I don’t want you to know”
• Passing = “I assume you don’t know”
• Covering = “I don’t know what you know”
• Implicitly Out = “I’m gay. See it if you can tell.”
• Explicitly Out = “I’m telling you I am gay.”
• Publicly Out = “See me as gay.”

Why Come out? Benefits and Risks

Many times, coming out allows a person to develop as a whole individual, allows for greater empowerment, and makes it easier for an individual to develop a positive self-image. By coming out, the person is able to share with others who they are and what is important to them, rather than having to hide or lie about their identity. Coming out frees the person of the fear of being “found out” and helps them avoid living a double life, which can be extremely stressful and demoralizing. Finally, coming out makes it easier to connect with people who are lesbian, gay, or bisexual, giving a sense of community. Outlining some of the benefits and risks of coming out is not meant to convince anyone to choose to come out or not come out in any given situation. Rather, thinking about some of the possible outcomes of such a choice can clarify an individual’s decision by helping them determine the appropriate time for coming out and preparing them for possible reactions.

Some Benefits of Coming Out

• Ability to live one’s life honestly.
• Building self-esteem by being honest about oneself.
• Developing closer, more genuine relationships with friends and family.
• Alleviating the stress of hiding one’s identity.
• Connecting with other people who are LGBT.
• Being part of a community with others with whom you have something in common.
• Helping to dispel myths and stereotypes by speaking about one’s own experience and educating others.
• Being a role model for others.

Some Risks of Coming Out

• Not everyone will be understanding or accepting.
• Family, friends, or coworkers may be shocked or confused, or even hostile.
• Some relationships may be permanently changed.
• An individual may experience harassment or discrimination.
• People under the age of 18 may be thrown out of their homes or lose financial support from their parents.

Where can I get support if I am coming out at MSU?

The LGBT Center is located in Student Center Room 423 and provides a safe space for students to discuss LGBT issues and relax in a non-judgmental atmosphere. The LGBT Center provides programming and workshops for students, faculty, and staff.

MSU’s Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) provides confidential assessment and brief counseling/therapy for students. The service is included in every student’s fees and is therefore free of charge. CAPS is located in the Gilberth House (Behind Freeman Hall).

The GLBTQ Safe Space Program identifies offices of MSU faculty and staff that are safe places for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Such offices are identified with a decal. The decal has a green square with two triangles in the center, one pink and one in black. It reads GLBTQ Safe Place. The GLBTQ decal signifies the displayer’s willingness to be supportive of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. The intended message of the symbol is that the person displaying this decal is one who will be non-judgmental, understanding and trustworthy should anyone need help, advice or conversation.

Other Locations to explore are:

• Health Center (Blanton Hall)
• Women’s Center (SC 420)
• Center for Non-Violence and Peace Initiatives (SC 2nd Floor)
• Health Promotion Office (Bohn Hall)
• Disability Resource Center (Morehead Hall)
• GLBTQ Studies Minor
• Women and Gender Studies Program
  

TERMINOLOGY

There are so many terms in the LGBT community that I am unfamiliar with. What does it all mean?

Ally - a person who supports and honors sexual diversity, acts accordingly to challenge homophobic and heterosexist remarks and behaviors, and is willing to explore and understand these forms of bias within him or herself

Biphobia - the fear and hatred of or discomfort with people who are bisexual.

Bisexual - a person who is romantically, sexually, and relationally attracted to both men and women though not necessarily simultaneously.

Boston Marriage - women who lived together as a couple in the early twentieth century.

Closet - being “in the closet” means keeping your sexual orientation a secret. Many LBGT people remain in the closet because of fear of rejection, harassment, and anti-gay violence, but like an actual physical closet, this mental closet can be an isolating and confining place.

Coming Out - the developmental process in which a person acknowledges, accepts, and appreciates his/her sexual orientation. Coming out is a lifelong process, starting with coming out to oneself and then to others. Also see the Coming Out FAQ's.

Dental Dam - latex mouthpiece used to practice safe oral sex with a woman.

Freedom Rings - a chain of six aluminum rings, each of a different color forming a rainbow to represent diversity; worn as a symbol of gay/ lesbian pride. Popular in the 90's.

Gay Male - a man who is romantically, sexually, and relationally attracted to other men.

Gender - a sociological construct defining the collection of characteristics that are culturally associated with maleness or femaleness; gender is to “masculine” and “feminine” as sex is to “male” and “female.”

Gender Identity - has to do with whether a person perceives him/herself to be a man or a woman; research indicates that gender identity is typically established by 3 years of age. See the Transgender FAQ.

Gender Role - the norms of expected behavior for men and women assigned primarily on the basis of biological sex; a sociological construct that varies from culture to culture.

Heterocentrism - the assumption that everyone is heterosexual unless otherwise indicated.

Heterosexism - the individual, group, or institutional norms and behaviors that result from the assumption that all people are heterosexual. This system of oppression, which assumes that heterosexuality is inherently normal and superior, negates LBGT peoples’ lives and relationships.

Heterosexual - a person who is primarily or exclusively emotionally, romantically, sexually, affectionately, and relationally attracted to people of the “opposite” sex.

Homophobia - the fear and hatred of or discomfort with people who love and sexually desire members of the same sex. Homophobic reactions often lead to intolerance, bigotry, and violence against anyone not acting within heterosexual norms. Because most LBGT people are raised in the same society as heterosexuals, they learn the same beliefs and stereotypes prevalent in the dominant society, leading to a phenomenon known as “internalized homophobia.” See the Homophobia/Biphobia FAQ.

Homosexual - a person who is primarily or exclusively attracted to people of the same sex. This term is not used much any more as its history is associated with pathologizing gayness.

Lavender - color identified with LBGT culture, a mix of pink and blue.

Lesbian - a woman who is emotionally, romantically, sexually, and relationally attracted to other women.

Outing - exposing someone’s sexual orientation to others, usually without their permission.

Queer - term that is inclusive of people who are not heterosexual - includes lesbians, gay men, bisexual people, and transgender people. For many LBGT people, the word “queer” has a negative connotation and provokes discomfort; however, there has been a resurgence in popularity of the term, and many are comfortable using the term and have “reclaimed” it.

Rainbow - “official” pride symbol for LBGT people; six colors (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple) represent diversity.

Sex - A biological term dividing a species into male or female, usually on sex chromosomes (XX = female, XY = male); hormone levels, secondary sex characteristics, and internal and external genitalia may also be considered criteria. 2. Another term for sexual behavior or gratification. Sex is a biological fact or a sexual act.

Sexual behavior - what a person does in terms of sexual acts.

Sexuality - the complex range of components that make us sexual beings; includes emotional, physical, and sexual aspects, as well as self-identification (including sexual orientation and gender), behavioral preferences and practices, fantasies, and feelings of affection and emotional affinity.

Sexual Orientation - an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, affectional, and relational attraction to another person. Can involve fantasy, behavior, and self-identification; a person’s general makeup or alignment in terms of partner attraction. May be same a same-sex orientation, male-female orientation, or a bisexual orientation.

Sexual Preference - what a person likes or prefers to do sexually; a conscious recognition or choice not to be confused with sexual orientation.

Stonewall - viewed as the birth of the modern gay/lesbian liberation; police raided Stonewall Inn in New York City in 1969, prompting five days of rioting and rebellion.

Transgender - the old understanding of the word meant a person whose gender identity differs from what is culturally associated with their biological sex at birth. However, as information has evolved, it is now an umbrella term that includes a wide range of identities and includes pre-operative, post-operative, and non-operative transsexual people. In its general sense, it refers to anyone whose behavior or identity falls outside of stereotypical expectations for their gender (click here for more information about transgender issues). See the Transgender FAQ.

Transphobia - the fear and hatred of or discomfort with people who are transgender.

Transsexual - a medical term referring to a person whose gender identity differs from what is culturally associated with their biological sex at birth and who chose to undergo sex reassignment surgery. This term is considered outdated. Most transsexual people refer to themselves as transgender.

Transvestite - an individual who dresses in the “opposite” gender clothing for a variety of reasons.

Two-Spirited - Native American term to refer to persons with characteristics of both genders or attraction to both genders; cultural revered for their special qualities.

TRANSGENDER

What are the various identities that are included in the word transgender?

For a better understanding of the various identities and terms that are included in the word "transgender" view the Trangender Umbrella picture below.

What does Transgender mean?

The old understanding of the word meant a person whose gender identity differs from what is culturally associated with their biological sex at birth. However, as information has evolved, it is now an umbrella term that includes a wide range of identities and includes pre-operative, post-operative, and non-operative transsexual people. In its general sense, it refers to anyone whose behavior or identity falls outside of stereotypical expectations for their gender.

What is gender transition?

Gender transition is the period during which transsexual persons begin changing their appearances and bodies to match their internal gender identity. Because gender is so visible, transsexuals in transition MUST "out" themselves to their employers, their families, and their friends - literally everyone in their lives. While in transition, they are very vulnerable to discrimination and in dire need of support from family and friends. Hormonal therapy can take several months to many years to effect the physical changes in secondary sexual characteristics that will produce a passable appearance, and some may never pass completely.

What is the Real Life Test?

For transsexual persons seeking Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS), the Real Life Test (also called the Real-Life Experience) is a one-year minimum period during which they must be able to demonstrate to their psychotherapists their ability to live and work full-time successfully in their congruent gender. The Real Life Test is a prerequisite for sex reassignment surgery under the Standards of Care.

What is sex reassignment surgery (SRS)?

SRS is the permanent surgical refashioning of sexual anatomy to resemble that of the appropriate sex. For MTF transsexuals, SRS involves the conversion of penile and scrotal tissue into female genitalia. For FTM transsexuals, it may be limited to just top surgery (breast removal) and sometimes hysterectomy. While many transmen become satisfied with their new male anatomy, most opt out of genital surgeries for a variety of reasons, including the expense and dissatisfaction with the results. Many MTF trans people also undergo additional cosmetic procedures, including electrolysis to remove facial and body hair, breast augmentation, Adams Apple reduction, hair transplantation, liposuction and many types of facial surgeries.

What is the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation?

Gender identity is a person's internal sense of being a man or a woman, a boy or a girl. Sexual orientation is someone's sexual attraction to others who may be of the opposite sex, the same sex, or either sex. Like other people, transgendered people can be straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual. Generally speaking, their gender identity - not their physical sex status - determines their sexual orientation.

*FAQS Adapted from the Center for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Life at Duke University.