# Raising Loving Siblings: Expert Parenting Tips to Stop Fighting and Build Lifelong Bonds Discover how Montclair State University’s Jon Caspi empowers parents to foster positive sibling relationships in his new book, “Raising Loving Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Help Your Kids Connect” ![Professor Jon Caspit sits on steps.](/sites/default/files/styles/660x400/public/2026-03/120524_21807_CEEL-Jon-Caspi.jpg?h=926d89e9&itok=svQ7cZ34) Sibling expert and therapist Jon Caspi reflects on writing his latest book, “Raising Loving Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Help Your Kids Connect,” for parents. For years, sibling fighting has been the most common non-medical complaint parents share with pediatricians. “It is perhaps the most persistent and annoying thing about family life,” says Jon Caspi, a [**Family Science and Human Development**](/academics/programs/ba-family-science-and-human-development "Family Science and Human Development") professor in Montclair’s [**College for Community Health**](https://www.montclair.edu/academics/schools-colleges/college-community-health). Caspi, an expert in sibling relationships and a licensed family therapist, has written extensively on the subject. His latest book, [***Raising Loving Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Help Your Kids Connect***](https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Loving-Siblings-Fighting-Connect/dp/1462538886/ref=sr_1_1?crid=18IRSC9RS2B7Q&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.vDBkheYoSC0JHo2jvVwaX4v-2wN7JD8M3e5baNQa0280W3lWyY-6oDM6un8pwNJu_2WWTxNNPq-j3XG_3S81o-AAWTJyW9idmKxIIFSxmJU.oJOvlth9KExHpU7Ia2cKm62G9UNFI-2SwIwpKYDhrL4&dib_tag=se&keywords=jonathan+caspi&qid=1733167890&s=books&sprefix=jonathan+caspi%2Cstripbooks%2C84&sr=1-1), published by The Guilford Press, combines research, theory and hands-on experience to help parents understand and improve family dynamics. ## Why Common Parenting Strategies May Backfire Caspi’s book challenges traditional parenting practices, such as telling older siblings to “share” or sending children to separate rooms after a fight. These approaches, he says, often hinder sibling closeness and can create lifelong resentments. “Parents should not just focus on the child’s behavior, but also reflect on their own behavior,” he says. “Most parents don’t realize what they’re doing to try to stop siblings from fighting is actually perpetuating the problem.” His book shifts the focus toward understanding the family dynamics that fuel conflict and offers practical ways to foster stronger sibling connections. ## Proven Tips to Reduce Sibling Fighting While eliminating sibling fighting entirely is unrealistic, Caspi stresses that parents can reduce its frequency and intensity. His top strategies include: - Avoid taking sides: “When parents say things like, ‘You’re bigger, you should know better’ or ‘let your little sister or brother play with the toy’ it sends a message that they’re protecting the younger sibling,” he says. “The older sibling feels like an outsider and it makes them more resentful and aggressive.” - Present a united front: Parents must work together to ensure consistent approaches to discipline and conflict resolution. Mixed messages can create confusion and allow children to manipulate situations. - Let kids resolve their conflicts: Constantly stepping in robs children of the chance to develop essential problem-solving and conflict-resolution skills. - Encourage and praise positive interactions: Building moments of sibling bonding can significantly strengthen their relationship. - Reduce sibling comparisons: Be careful about forcing children to participate in shared activities in which they will be compared, such as in the same dance class or soccer team. - Seek professional help if needed: For persistent issues, especially those stemming from marital discord, Caspi suggests that couples counseling might be beneficial. “If you can’t do it on your own, go to couples counseling and get that worked out because the more parents are not on the same team, the more the siblings are going to fight.” The more aligned parents are, the less siblings will fight. Using numerous examples from his practice, his own life and from his students and others over the years in his book, Caspi helps parents recognize common patterns that exacerbate sibling fighting and offers alternative strategies to foster more positive sibling interactions. ![Jon Caspi’s book “Raising Loving Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Help Your Kids Connect.”](/sites/default/files/styles/editor_100/public/2026-03/120524_21831_CEEL-Jon-Caspi.jpg?itok=cJETkJyB) ## The Long-Term Benefits of Strong Sibling Bonds Caspi emphasizes the lifelong advantages of nurturing positive sibling relationships, one of the reasons he wanted to write the book. From academic success to better health and social skills, the benefits are profound: - Improved health: Strong sibling relationships are linked to better physical health and longer lifespans. - Greater happiness: Good sibling relationships contribute to overall well-being. - Career success: Sibling support often correlates with higher achievements professionally and financially. - Resilience in rough times: Siblings with close bonds are better equipped to cope with difficult situations, such as parental divorce. “In fact, you almost see no negative effects to the kids of divorce who have good relationships with siblings, compared to those that don’t,” Caspi says. “Having a close sibling is such a vital way of dealing with adversity and coming out the other end intact.” - Stronger social skills: Learning to get along with siblings prepares children for relationships outside of the home. “All relationships involve conflict; the goal is to make it productive and occasional, rather than constant,” Caspi says. “Ultimately, we want siblings to feel connected and supportive of one another.” ## I’m a \_\_\_\_\_\_, tell me more…  **Prospective Student / Parent: Learn more about** [**Family Science and Human Development**](/academics/programs/ba-family-science-and-human-development "Family Science and Human Development") and the [**College for Community Health**](https://www.montclair.edu/academics/schools-colleges/college-community-health) or plan a [**visit to our campus**](https://www.montclair.edu/admissions/visit-us/) and take the first step in [**applying to become a Red Hawk**](https://www.montclair.edu/admissions/)! **Journalists:** Contact the [**Media Relations team**](/offices-departments-centers/media-relations "Media Relations") for assets or to schedule an interview with the researcher about this topic. 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Published December 13, 2024 Type [Faculty Voices](/news-media/news-stories?type%5B71%5D=71) Topic - [Health](/news-media/news-stories?topic%5B81%5D=81) ## Contact the Media Relations Team [Media Relations](/offices-departments-centers/media-relations) The Media Relations Office is the official source of information for Montclair State University and is the primary point of contact for members of the media requesting institutional information and/or interviews with faculty, staff and administration. - Elyse Toribio - - Telephone [973-655-4334](tel:973-655-4334) - Andrew Mees - - Telephone [973-655-3101](tel:973-655-3101) ## More News & Stories - ![Pediatric patient sitting in dentist chair with Dr. Suffiyah Webb posing next to him ](/sites/default/files/styles/750x500/public/2026-10/Dr.%20Suffiyah%20Webb.jpeg?h=c7683b14&itok=LuXHWJDZ) Student Outcomes [ From Montclair's Health Careers Program to Hometown Pediatric Dentist](/news-media/news-stories/alumni-voices-montclairs-health-careers-program-hometown-pediatric-dentist) October 5, 2026 - ![Ileana Zuniga walks along the Student Quad during Orientation Week.](/sites/default/files/styles/750x500/public/2026-08/082526_656_Ileana_Zuniga-LAROSA_0.jpg?h=926d89e9&itok=diWf08rk) Front Page News [ Why the Class of 2030 Chose Montclair State University](/news-media/news-stories/why-these-students-class-2030-chose-montclair) August 28, 2026 - ![An audiology student fits another student with a hearing aid during a telehealth demonstration. ](/sites/default/files/styles/750x500/public/2026-07/072326_00953_CCH-Audiology-Telehealth.jpg?h=926d89e9&itok=yZJNCNGf) Front Page News [ Audiology Students Give Life-Changing Care to Children in Dominica](/news-media/news-stories/montclair-audiology-students-give-life-changing-care-children-dominica) August 3, 2026 [All News & Stories](/news-media/news-stories)