As New York has become the epicenter of the coronavirus pandemic, the nation has watched while the Cuomo brothers \u2013 Governor Andrew and CNN Anchor Chris \u2013 support (and rib) each other on national TV.<\/p>\n
Even while each lightheartedly claims to be their mom’s favorite, their bond is helping them get through the crisis \u2013 particularly as Chris battles the virus and isolation \u2013 and it shows how one of the keys to surviving our new world of social distancing lies in our relationships with our siblings.<\/p>\n
Professor of Family Science and Human Development Jonathan Caspi says that whether between adults or children, it\u2019s the unique bonds siblings create that can make all the difference during the coronavirus pandemic and other crises.<\/p>\n
\u201cSiblings have deep-rooted connections,\u201d says Caspi. \u201cOur shared childhoods mean that we have shared histories and have been witnesses to each other\u2019s greatest and most embarrassing moments. For adults, the ability to relax, joke, reminisce and commiserate about how crazy things have become is extremely helpful for our mental and physical health.\u201d<\/p>\n
While it\u2019s an important time for facilitating our children\u2019s sibling relationships and building the bonds that will benefit them for a lifetime, it is also a good time to strengthen our connections with our own siblings.<\/p>\n
Research shows that sibling relationships are a central factor in creating positive outcomes in all aspects of everyday life, from other interpersonal relationships to academics, sports, and even longevity, particularly for older adults. For example, the Harvard Study of Adult Development identified siblings as the most powerful factor in well-being for those who are 65.<\/p>\n
The bonds become even more important as we grow older, as studies show that sibling relationships are more influential than relationships with friends or one\u2019s own children for maintaining good health and life satisfaction in people 83 and older.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhile many of us may be focused on parenting our children\u2019s sibling relationships right now, we shouldn\u2019t forget the importance of our adult sibling relationships,\u201d says Caspi. \u201cSocial distancing naturally creates isolation from those outside your immediate household, which can have negative effects on both your physical and mental health. So it\u2019s more important than ever to maintain the sibling bonds we share, because connecting with siblings can be a powerful source for reducing isolation and anxiety, and making us happier. When we are less anxious, we are better coworkers, spouses and parents.\u201d<\/p>\n
Despite our inability to physically be with our adult siblings in most cases, Caspi believes this is an opportune time for people to connect and even strengthen these relationships \u2013 and that we will all be better for it.<\/p>\n
\u201cConnecting with our siblings, regardless of age, makes us better people in other areas of our lives,\u201d he says. \u201cI urge everyone to connect with your siblings \u2013 visually, even if it is virtually \u2013\u00a0 and experience the power these relationships can give you in these challenging times.\u201d<\/p>\n
As important as it is for adults to stay connected to siblings, it\u2019s also important to nurture those sibling relationships of their children. As parents try to do that during the crisis, as well as create peace in the house during social distancing, Caspi says they should focus on \u2013 and praise \u2013 the positives, and structure each day so those relationships can thrive.<\/p>\n
\u201cToo often, busy parents rely on their children to keep each other occupied,\u201d he says. \u201cSiblings can play together really nicely by themselves often for a long time, but the minute a conflict breaks out, a parent gets involved and reprimands or asks \u2018What\u2019s going on?\u2019\u201d Caspi says, noting that this sets children up to complain and parents up to playing referee.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn such cases, parents miss all the good or \u2018pro-social\u2019 behavior and only the negative encounter gets attention,\u201d he says. \u201cGiving the positive behavior attention reinforces it. Parents should say things like, \u2018I\u2019m so proud of how nicely you are treating each other!\u2019 or\u00a0 \u2018I love how you are complimenting each other.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
Structure will also play a critical role in helping siblings get along. Parents should develop and follow rules for situations such as alternating first turns for using toys or devices on a given day. Also, times should be set not only for online schooling, but also for \u201cbreaks\u201d and \u201cafter school\u201d help to provide parameters for the day, and reduce the risk of the boredom created by doing one activity for too long \u2013 which often leads to fighting with a brother or sister.<\/p>\n
Fighting should largely be ignored, according to Caspi, unless it becomes dangerous, which involves verbal and physical behaviors that aim to do harm.<\/p>\n
\u201cResearch has found that parental intervention into sibling conflicts usually perpetuates and even exacerbates negative relationships between children,\u201d he says. \u201cEven when a parent thinks they are helping by mediating, they\u2019re often actually doing harm.<\/p>\n
\u201cHaving a person mediate the relationship of others doesn\u2019t allow the two in the relationship to sort things out themselves, which deprives them of the opportunity to become closer and know how to resolve problems independently,\u201d he says. \u201cThis is a critical skill in a child\u2019s development, one that can be consistently worked on throughout this time of social distancing.\u201d<\/p>\n
For more information on Montclair State\u2019s family science and human development offerings, visit the University\u2019s College of Education and Human Services<\/a>.<\/p>\n Professor Jonathan Caspi <\/a>and Senior Media Relations Specialist Andrew Mees<\/a> contributed to this story.<\/p>\n