With spring family gatherings like Easter, Passover, graduations and weddings on the horizon, it\u2019s the perfect time for advice on keeping the peace.<\/p>\n
Montclair State University Professor Jonathan Caspi, a leading expert on sibling relationships and a licensed therapist, shares tips for navigating tense conversations, especially during these politically charged times \u2014 and just in time for National Sibling Day.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoliday gatherings are not the time to sort out political differences or sibling differences,\u201d Caspi says. “That’s the time just to kind of hang out and enjoy each other’s company. Keep it light.\u201d<\/p>\n
How or when to have a difficult discussion depends on the nature of the sibling relationship, he says. \u201cThere’s a way to have those conversations with some siblings, but with others there’s not because there’s such high defensiveness. People are very emotionally connected to their political philosophies.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sibling relationships are generally intense, and the rules of engagement are learned early on, Caspi says. He warns that what looks like a political debate may actually be about a deeper, unresolved issue.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf there\u2019s other resentment, then the political argument you’re having is probably about other things. It could be something like, \u2018You were always Dad’s favorite, and I always hated you for it,\u2019\u201d he says. \u201cBut instead of having that conversation, they’re fighting over whether or not Canada being a 51st state and tariffs are really good ideas.\u201d<\/p>\n
Caspi calls these \u201cproxy fights\u201d and says disagreements \u201care not going to resolve the real issue because it has nothing to do with it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Caspi, a professor of Family Science and Human Development<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0in the College for Community Health<\/a>, offers these strategies for keeping sibling relationships strong during politically charged times:<\/p>\n By following these tips, you can maintain positive sibling relationships even in the face of political differences, which Caspi emphasizes are crucial for long-term happiness, success and well-being.<\/p>\n \u201cYou should be able to have conversations and relationships with people who are different from you and have very different beliefs,\u201d he says. There are some exceptions, however.<\/p>\n While Caspi promotes healing, closeness and loving sibling relationships, he acknowledges that some relationships may be harmful and cause for limiting or avoiding contact.<\/p>\n In such cases, prioritizing your own well-being is more important than maintaining family appearances.<\/p>\n \u201cAs an adult, you have a choice about whether you want to invest in your sibling relationship and how much you want to invest. In situations where the relationship has been so problematic, or has involved abuse of any kind, it’s not in the best interest of the person to continue investing in that relationship even if that’s what Mom and Dad want. There\u2019s the importance of good relationships, but there’s also the importance of not putting yourself in a situation of ongoing harm.\u201d<\/p>\n Caspi also offers advice for parents on building healthy sibling relationships in childhood, drawn from his book Raising Loving Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Help Your Kids Connect<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n By applying these insights, families can celebrate holidays and get-togethers with less tension and more connection.<\/p>\n Prospective Student or Parent?<\/strong> Learn more about Family Science and Human Development<\/a> or other programs in the College for Community Health<\/a> at Montclair State University or plan a visit to our campus<\/a> and take the first step in applying to become a Red Hawk<\/a>.<\/p>\n Journalist?<\/strong><\/p>\n Contact the Media Relations team<\/a> for assets or to schedule an interview.<\/p>\n\n
When It’s Okay to Step Away From a Sibling Relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n
How to Raise Loving Siblings From the Start<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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Are you a\u2026<\/strong><\/h2>\n